


Hakoda's Kids Get (and Give) the Talk

by Electrons



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Sex Talk, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28245516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electrons/pseuds/Electrons
Summary: This was inspired by a post MuffinLance made about Hakoda trying to give Zuko the talk. After the last couple of chapters of Salvage, I realized Katara and Sokka also needed to be included.This story takes place in the universe of Salvage, and all credit for that AU goes to MuffinLance. Also, you definitely need to read that fic to understand this one.
Comments: 186
Kudos: 1120





	Hakoda's Kids Get (and Give) the Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Salvage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21116591) by [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/pseuds/MuffinLance). 



> There is no sexual content in this fic, but that's all the characters are talking about.

"Am I in trouble," Zuko blurted out. "Will you tell me what I did?"

"You're not in trouble," Hakoda insisted. He supposed he understood how a very vague "we need to talk" and bringing Zuko to his office might make him think so. If Hakoda's own memories of having this discussion with his mother were anything to go by, Zuko would probably wish he had been in trouble by the end.

"But what did I do," Zuko insisted.

"Nothing," Hakoda reiterated. "There's just something we need to talk about. This is probably something someone should have talked to you about a while ago, but…" But Hakoda couldn't imagine Ozai taking time from his busy schedule of burning and killing to explain the finer facts of life to a son he didn't much care for. Hakoda thought about the fact that Zuko had a younger sister and repressed a flinch.

"What is it," Zuko asked.

"So…" Hakoda scratched the back of his head.

Zuko must have accepted that he wasn't in trouble, because he had adopted an unimpressed expression. "So, what?"

"You see…"

"What do I see," Zuko demanded. "What's going on?" His eyes widened. "Are you thinking about selling me to the Earth Kingdom again?" Zuko's breathing started to quicken.

"What? No! Zuko, no. I'm just trying to explain something to you." Hakoda attempted to assure him.

Zuko gave Hakoda a suspicious look. His hands were clenched into fists. "What are you trying to explain to me? You haven't said anything yet this whole conversation!"

Hakoda took a deep breath. "What happened the other day at the… massage parlor, made me realize that there's a part of your education that may have been… overlooked."

Zuko frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Zuko, you know that feeling you get when you look at a pretty girl?"

Zuko's frown deepened. "What are you talking about?"

Hakoda decided to try a different strategy. Zuko seemed to appreciate when things were straightforward. Hakoda would just use a clinical explanation. Perhaps that would make things less awkward, he deluded himself.

Hakoda took another deep breath. "Sometimes a man will develop feelings for a woman, and she'll develop feelings for him. They might decide they want to… express those feelings in a physical way."

Zuko nodded. "Sure, whatever."

"I'm not necessarily talking about a hug or a kiss," Hakoda continued. "There are… physical activities men and women can engage in to express their… fondness for each other."

Zuko squinted in confusion at Hakoda. "Are you talking about sex?"

Hakoda let out a sigh of relief. "Yes."

"I know what sex is," Zuko said in an annoyed tone of voice. "Uncle told me about it, and I had to listen to all of his dumb proverbs that made no sense. Tickling a flower won't make it bloom. Water and sunlight makes flowers bloom! Everyone knows that."

Hakoda felt his face heat up. "Uh huh…" The idea of the Dragon of the West sharing sexual poetry with Zuko made him feel light-headed.

"Why are you trying to tell me what sex is anyway," Zuko asked.

"I just want to make sure that you know how to protect yourself," Hakoda explained.

"Well I've got my swords, and I am a Firebender," Zuko said. "I think I can protect myself pretty well."

Hakoda resisted the urge to slap his own forehead. Then he felt a deep disquiet as he realized what Zuko thought he was talking about. Hakoda didn't like the idea of a kid knowing about sexual violence. He pushed the thought away.

"I meant from diseases or… uh… unplanned pregnancies," Hakoda explained. "If you meet a girl…" Hakoda trailed off as he saw the expression of pure disgust on Zuko's face. "What?"

"Why would I want to… do that," Zuko asked. "Also, why do you keep talking about meeting girls? You know that men have sex with men too, right? I know a lot more men than I do women, so if I was going to have sex with someone, which I definitely don't want to do, odds are it would probably be a guy."

Hakoda opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again and then slammed it shut with enough force to make his teeth rattle. "Ummm…" Hakoda blinked at him. "So… I've sort of lost track of what I was going to say."

"Okay, so can I go now?"

Hakoda nodded. He wasn't quite sure how he had gotten to this point. He knew there had been things he'd wanted to address, but somehow he hadn't gotten to any of them. All he'd managed to do was make himself look like an idiot. He hoped things went better when he had to talk to Sokka and Katara. The thought made him feel ill.

"Are you alright, Chief Hakoda," Zuko asked. He looked concerned. "You just went kind of pale."

"I'm fine. I just… So, just to be clear, you do know how to prevent passing on STDs, right? That's the topic I was trying to get to."

"My uncle said you should use these special barriers made out of sheepseal skin," Zuko said. "But it seems to me that the most effective way would just be to not have sex at all. Doesn't seem worth it. I mean, I know married couples have to, so they can have heirs, but what's the point if you aren't married?"

"Well…" Hakoda frowned. He remembered himself when he was sixteen. He remembered his friends. Sex hadn't needed a point to them. Sex WAS the point.

"Sometimes you meet someone and you just… There are urges… Um… Actually, you're right. Sex is weird and pointless, and no one should ever have it, ever."

Zuko nodded. He seemed to accept that answer. "Did you need anything else?"

"Nope, that's everything. You can go."

Zuko gave Hakoda one last baffled look and then departed. Hakoda shook his head. He needed a drink. Or five. He had to fix that speech before he tried to give it to Sokka.

* * *

Zuko was minding his own business, not bothering anybody, studying, when it happened. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, and there was a nice breeze. Seal Jerky was resting his head in Zuko's lap. The comforting presence turned into an unfortunate hindrance to escape when it happened.

"What are you doing?!!" Zuko flinched as Katara's voice pierced his eardrums better than any of her icicles had ever pierced his skin. He'd have preferred the icicles.

Zuko looked up from his medical textbook. "I'm... studying." He looked at her enraged expression. He thought they'd already gone over this.

"I can see what you're looking at! You're disgusting! Don't you have any shame? Does my dad know you spend so much time looking at dirty pictures?!"

Zuko looked down at the book in his hands, checking to make sure it hadn't morphed into something else while Katara had been yelling at him. Nope, it was still an anatomical diagram. Zuko turned the book to face her. "You mean this?"

Katara held up her hand to shield her eyes and turned her face away. "Ugh! I don't want to see your filthy pornography!"

"Pornography?" Zuko looked down at the book again. Nope, still hadn't transformed. It remained a diagram of the differences between fibroadenomas and more dangerous growths. "This is a medical textbook."

"That woman is naked!"

A few members of the crew wandered over, drawn in by Katara's shouting. That was just great. Awesome. An audience was exactly what Zuko needed.

"You shouldn't be looking at pictures of naked women!"

"Well, if she was drawn with clothes on, I wouldn't be able to see the lumps on her breasts or-"

The crew burst out laughing. Panuk stepped forward, incredulous. "Are you actually looking at pornography? I'm proud of you, but maybe the deck isn't the best place to-"

"I am not looking at pornography!" Great, now even more people had heard the commotion and were approaching. Zuko tried to push Seal Jerky away so he could escape, but no dice. "This is an anatomical diagram! It shows the difference between a healthy and diseased breast."

"That doesn't sound sexy, but if that's what does it for you-"

Zuko almost threw the book at Panuk, but he knew better than to treat a book that way. He reached into his pocket and threw his lotus tile at him instead. He knew from experience that they were durable. Panuk caught it, jerk.

"You shouldn't be looking at pictures of women's bodies," Katara protested. "That information isn't for men! That's for women to know! We take care of each other."

"That's true," Panuk agreed as he pocketed Zuko's tile.

"That's stupid," Zuko said, ever full of tact. "Not to mention, not all people fit neatly into a category of man or woman. Some men have breasts or vag-"

"Ugh! Don't say it! You can't just say it out loud!"

"I can't believe you're being so childish! You're a healer too! Would you really not treat a man or a nonbinary person just because they aren't the same gender as you?"

"Well, no, of course not, but-"

"Then you should learn about their bodies, so you can actually help them instead of just throwing your hands in the air and saying you don't know!"

"I…"

Zuko finally succeeded in shoving away Seal Jerky and getting to his feet. He closed his book and then stormed over to Panuk and demanded back the only flower he was interested in. "I'm going to find somewhere more peaceful to study."

He stomped off without another word. Later, when Toklo asked to borrow his book, Zuko may or may not have breathed enough fire to convince Toklo to beat a hasty retreat instead of whatever else he'd been planning to beat.

* * *

Zuko was making dinner. He wasn't trying this new tofu recipe because if it turned out well it might be a good peace offering to present the Avatar (Aang) once they rescued him. He just… thought it looked good. So, tofu, how hard could that be?

Sokka wandered in, looking for a snack. He wrinkled his nose when he saw what Zuko was making. "You have to be careful with that stuff," he said.

Zuko frowned. "Why?"

"Don't you know?" Sokka smirked at him. "Too much soy makes your… you know, stop working."

Zuko stared at Sokka. Sokka not making sense was something he was getting used to, but that didn't help translate the majority of his incomprehensible statements. "What?"

"You know…" Sokka made a vague gesture with his hand. So that cleared everything up.

"I really don't." Zuko dumped a bunch of spices into the stew. The Avatar might not like meat, but that didn't mean he didn't like  _ flavor _ . Anyway, this wasn't for the Avatar.

"It can make your man parts stop working," Sokka said with an exasperated sigh, like  _ Zuko  _ was the dumb one.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "No, it can't."

"Yes, it can! Toklo told me so when I was a kid!"

"How old were you?"

"Like…" Sokka looked like he was thinking, so Zuko didn't interrupt. "Eleven?"

"So you think Toklo at fifteen was an expert on biology? You think he's an expert at that  _ now _ ?"

"I mean… When you say it like that…" Sokka rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, it's not like you're an expert either!"

Zuko shrugged. "Okay."

Sokka was not content to let that be the end of the conversation. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" Zuko picked up an apple and started peeling it. A little sweetness wouldn't hurt the flavor profile.

"You know. Have you ever…" Sokka made another vague gesture. Zuko rolled his eyes.

"Spit it out, Sokka!"

"Have you ever-" Sokka dropped his voice and stepped closer to Zuko so that he could be heard. Zuko wasn't sure how felt about the invasion of his personal space. He didn't think he liked it. "Had sex," Sokka whispered.

Zuko pushed Sokka away. "No. You could have asked that question from where you were standing before. Quit being weird."

"Oh." Sokka looked almost… disappointed? Zuko could not understand his new brother. "So you don't know what it's like?"

"I didn't say that." Zuko started cutting up apples. The juices ran down the blade and soaked into his skin.

"Oh?" Sokka looked intrigued.

"Uncle explained the basics to me, my  _ real  _ uncle, not Kustaa. Also, several sex workers." Zuko dumped the apple bits into the stew and then sucked juice out of his pores.

Sokka gaped at Zuko, mouth hanging open like his jaw had been dislocated. "What?!"

"What?" Zuko started stirring the stew.

"So like… How does it work?"

"Sex?"

"No, cooking. Yes, obviously sex!" Sokka flinched at his own volume and looked over his shoulder. He lowered his voice and stepped closer again. Zuko wished he would stop doing that. "I mean I know you just put it in-"

Zuko waved Sokka quiet and shook his head. "What? No, you absolutely do  _ not  _ just  _ put it in _ , who told you that?"

"Uhh…"

Zuko sighed. "Toklo?"

"Maybe," Sokka admitted. "Okay, but it does go in eventually, right?"

Zuko wanted to die. He wished Katara would show up to pick a fight with him. No wait, he absolutely did  _ not  _ want Katara to show up. He wished someone else would kill him. Aake? They were getting along better lately, but Zuko could antagonize him…

No one showed up to kill Zuko, because nothing lucky  _ ever _ happened to Zuko. He sighed again, dramatically. "Okay, first of all, you know how vaginas work, right?"

"Ew, Zuko!" Sokka looked aghast.

"Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have assumed," Zuko said. "I thought you mentioned a girlfriend at one point, but of course she doesn't necessarily have to-"

"She died." Sokka's somber pronouncement weighed down their conversation. "We never… Not that I… I would have, but that wasn't why I… I just… It doesn't matter. She died."

"Oh." Zuko didn't know how to respond to that. "Sorry."

Sokka shrugged. He didn't say it was okay, because it wasn't okay. "Thanks."

"So… Do you still want to know how sex works, or…" Zuko wanted to leave, but he would feel guilty if he just abandoned Sokka to his grief. Also, his stew needed to be stirred or it would burn.

Sokka gave Zuko a confused look. Then he smiled. "Sure."

Zuko reached for another apple that hadn't made it into the stew. He sliced it in half. "So, you know what a clitoris is, right?"

That was when Hakoda entered the kitchen. Apparently he'd wanted to make sure his sons hadn't gotten into another fight. They had leftovers that night. Nothing from the burnt stew was salvageable.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review if you would like, good, bad or indifferent. :)


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